Hello to the world!
Unfortunately this time around, I don’t have good news for you guys, however, I’ll share the news despite it all. I’m single (or at least i think that’s what he meant). This is the saddest thing that has ever happened to me so early in the year, but I don’t really have a choice about it, because when the person you’re in a relationship with isn’t happy and wants out, you can’t force them to stay with you.
I didn’t want to lose him, but he initiated everything. I do miss him a lot, but I haven’t really spoken to im this week, let alone see him. I’ve decided that I’ll be giving his space until he finally decides what it is that he really wants, but in the mean time, I’ll be taking some time to find myself, do some soul-searching.
I’ll always treasure the awesome memories we made together, but a part of me feels like, maybe this was the right time to move on. Maybe this was the time for us to go our different ways, no matter how hard the separation was. I knew it was bound to happen at some point, whether it was by death or a break-up, I knew deep down inside that some day, he’d say that he’d had enough, I just didn’t expect it to be so soon.
But yes, I won’t lie, it hurt a lot and I cried and for me, it doesn’t really help to be depressed about it, or cry about it, because then I’ll be doing an injustice to myself by being unhappy and acting weird. Lord knows that he’s probably happy where he is, while I’ll be busy being depressed over him. I really hope that we can still be friends after this, if we really have broken up because he was very vague as to what it is that’s going on between us, and I’m not really in the mood to be deciphering what he could possibly mean. But yes. if being without me, makes him happy, then so be it.
As for now, I’m happy. I’m having fun being alone. I’m having fun meeting people from different backgrounds and also socializing. I met a young man who happens to be disabled. The first time I saw him, I nearly broke down with sadness. I was so overcome with emotion, that when I got home that day, I called my mother and told her about the person that I’d seen that day and started crying half way through the first hello. I jut couldn’t understand why he had to be disabled and yet he was so intelligent, but my mother assured me that, God made him for a purpose. That yes, he may be disabled, but he’s been surviving this whole time. In the end, I understood, but I couldn’t feel wanting to help him, and today something magical happened.
The guy who drives him around campus with his wheel chair, happened to stop the wheel-chair where I was sitting, and I blanked out, because, I wasn’t sure what to say to him, but as I was about to go into the lecture hall, I said hello to him and smiled. He stopped me and asked if I was willing to drive him to the other side of the building. My heart was pounding so hard because I was overcome with joy and I drove him. People were staring, but I was loving the fact that, I’d finally got an opportunity to talk to this person that I’d found so fascinating.
When I finally got to the lecture hall, I was once again overwhelmed with sadness. I wished so badly to do something that could make life easier for him in so many other ways, because personally, I don’t feel like the university does enough to assist disabled people on campus.
I’ve decided that, I’m going to take a few minutes everyday to give him a helping hand whenever I see him on campus, because no matter his disability, he’s still a blessing. He’s already blessing my life in so many ways. I thank God for the experience and I look forward to more experiences, no matter how difficult they may seem at times.
In closing, I’d like to say thank you to the people that never get tired of reading and following my blog. I’d like to say thank you to my mother and father, because, had it not been for them, I don’t think I would have met the amazing people who I’ve come to hold so dear to my heart. Finally, I’d like to thank God for the amazing friendship that I’ve built (although sceptical at first) with some of these amazing people. Thank you to God for the amazing miracles, and I really hope He won’t give up on me just yet.
Enjoy your weekend guys,
With lots of love from me,
S*
